Back Where I Was
by H M Palmer
Summary: Addison's arrival has not changed Derek's intentions to be with Meredith. Derek must make a choice - who will it be? Set in Season Two.
1. Conversations in the Elevator

**A/N **My first GA fic, set out like an episode of the show. Set at the beginning of Season 2, with Addison's arrival. Derek is with Addison, but still can't make a choice between her and Meredith, so he's going with both, but Addison doesn't know. R & R and enjoy.

**Conversations in the Elevator**

"Seriously?"

Meredith Grey glanced up from the chart she was holding to see Cristina staring at her.

"Seriously." Meredith replied with a shrewd smile. "I got a seizure patient, the one with grand mal seizures."

"Seriously?" Cristina cried, following Meredith as the two of them pushed open the swing doors and hurried down the corridor. "Huh, and I'm stuck with the girl who decides to eat her own homework."

"She ate her homework?" George walked up behind them, grinning. "That's new. I mean, when I, uh, when I had homework I never ate it. That's kind of strange, eating your homework; I wonder why she did it."

Meredith glanced at George and Cristina chose to ignore his babbling.

"I always did my homework," Cristina smiled proudly. "I was a good student. And now I'm a good intern."

"A 'good' intern would check her pager!" Bailey snapped, surprising the three of them. She had been walking behind them.

"Yang, get to the OR, your patient is on a gurney and getting prepped for surgery."

"She's having surgery?"

"Did you check your pager? This is _why_ I page you, and you don't check your pager!" Bailey snapped, frustrated.

"Sorry, I turned my pager off." Cristina mumbled. That was because of a certain Burke moment that had occurred.

"I think you interns need to be more organized!" Bailey snapped. "You preferably Yang!"

"But why does my patient need surgery?" Cristina asked.

"Your patient swallowed glass, which is _why_ she needs _surgery_."

"She _ate glass_?" Cristina looked amused.

"Yes, glass, she ate her science experiment!" Bailey snapped. "And you were supposed to have read her chart! Now get to the OR before I consider getting you off this case!"

"Yes ma'am." Cristina turned and headed down the corridor. Meredith and George continued walking.

"Have you seen Izzie lately?" Meredith asked George as they walked down the corridor to the elevator.

"I saw her with Alex. Earlier," George replied, shooting Meredith a casual glance. "So, what are you doing after your rounds?"

Meredith smiled. "Derek's coming over. I hope you and Izzie don't mind."

"We mind." George said bitterly. He was hurt. And annoyed and furious at Shepherd, that he could easily get Meredith to notice him. Maybe it was the hair that did it, and his expression when he looked at her. It was something about him, and George wanted to know what it was.

So he looked at Meredith and tried to attempt the expression when Shepherd gazed at Meredith and smiled.

"George, are you okay?" Meredith looked at him in concern. "You look constipated."

"Uh-" George looked away and focused on the ground.

"We won't take long." Meredith added, and George realized that she was talking about Derek. "Derek is running out of excuses to leave Addison with the trailer."

"Addison doesn't know yet?" George was surprised that Addison hadn't figured it out.

"Addison doesn't know." Meredith repeated as the two of them stopped in front of the elevator.

"She could find out," George glanced at Meredith as the elevator doors slid open. "What excuse can Derek make that would stop Addison from being suspicious? He can't keep making excuses all the time."

"She is _not_ being suspicious!" Meredith said complacently. "And she won't find out."

The elevator stopped and the doors opened to reveal Derek standing there, holding a chart. George glanced at him as he stepped in, sharing a passionate look with Meredith.

Meredith smiled. George looked at the ground, annoyed at how Shepherd could just smile at her in that way and she liked it. George grumbled to himself and waited for the elevator to continue moving. But it was moving so slowly and Derek and Meredith were gazing at each other. George looked up at the floor numbers.

"How are you?" Derek smiled at Meredith.

"I'm good. Now. Better." Meredith grinned. She stepped closer to Derek as the elevator doors slid open and George hurried out quickly, knowing what they were both going to do. And he hated it. He hated how Derek could so easily get to Meredith, and especially without his wife knowing.

George continued thinking as he hurried down the corridor.

When Addison had arrived, Derek had told her that he would stop everything with Meredith. But no, he couldn't help it. Now he was with Meredith, and Addison still didn't know. George wondered how long Derek could keep it up, heading home to the trailer, making an excuse then going to visit Meredith.

"George!" Izzie emerged from a room, her face slightly flustered and her blonde hair was a mess. She smiled madly.

"You and Alex?" George sighed, knowing the answer. He wasn't in the mood to talk about what Izzie and Alex had been doing.

"Yeah," Izzie smiled as they walked down the corridor. "Again. So when are your rounds?"

"Uh," George checked his pager. "Should be in about an hour. What about you?"

"Now." Izzie smiled. She wouldn't stop smiling. And that was annoying. Everyone was so happy. Except George.

"Well, Meredith is having Derek over tonight." George said harshly.

"You're still jealous?" Izzie laughed. "Tell me you're not still jealous!"

"I'm not jealous!" George protested, but Izzie just laughed. George was going to speak again, but he muddled up the words and so he stayed silent.

"I'm not jealous." George repeated, mostly trying to convince himself that he wasn't. But he knew he was. He really was.


	2. Seizure

**A/N** Thanks for the review! This chapter starts after Meredith leaves the elevator and goes to check on her patient who is convulsing.

**Seizure**

"Doctor Grey!"

Meredith ran over to her patient on the gurney who was thrashing around in agony. Three nurses were holding her down and the monitor was beeping madly.

"She's having another seizure!" a nurse snapped. "Phenobarbital? How many doses?"

"Give her three doses!" Meredith ordered, hurrying over to the gurney and checking the patient's chart. "Keep her heart rate steady!"

"Heart rate increasing!" a nurse warned. Meredith glanced around, hearing the beeping of the monitor ringing around her. She was starting to panic; nothing they were giving her was working. But she wasn't going to give up.

"Page Doctor Shepherd!" Meredith snapped. She moved into action and hurried over to the girl. She was thrashing around and giving off a faint odour of something Meredith couldn't think of.

Suddenly the girl stopped convulsing and lay still. The monitor's frantic beeping lowered to a steady beeping, showing that her heart rate was normal. Meredith glanced up at the nurses who were equally confused. The phenobarbital hadn't worked, yet the seizure had stopped.

Derek ran into the room, having received the urgent page, and glanced at Meredith.

"Meredith?"

"The patient had a seizure." Meredith said quietly. Derek nodded and checked the girl's charts.

"She seems to be recovering well from the seizure." Derek announced.

"But Dr. Shepard, the seizure stopped on its own, the phenobarbital didn't affect her condition at all." a nurse spoke up.

Derek frowned at this.

"Huh. Dr. Grey, keep a close eye on her."

"I will. Dr Shepard." Meredith nodded, noticing that he was giving her a quick, intense smile, with the crinkles forming around his eyes and the way his eyes gleamed. She loved that.

Derek and Meredith shared an intense look for a moment until Bailey stormed into the room.

"What the hell happened Grey?" Bailey snapped. "I'm getting paged that you can't handle a seizure patient?"

"I didn't need to," Meredith answered. "She's fine now."

"Did you read the patient's chart?" Bailey asked.

"Yes," Meredith answered. "It was a grand mal seizure that brought her here."

"She was brought here for you to diagnose her. I don't want another page from you," Bailey snapped. She glanced at Derek. "Or _you_! I have my own patients to handle. I can't go running around after you Grey!"

Bailey stormed out the door, and then walked back to the entrance to glance at Meredith.

"The patient's parents will be visiting, so you better have a diagnosis ready for them!"

Bailey left the room.

"She's choking!" a nurse shouted. The monitor started beeping again. Meredith ran over to the patient and opened her mouth as the girl struggled to breathe, her eyes wide in fear.

Derek ran beside her and grabbed a surgical instrument that Meredith didn't have time to see before he slid it down her throat.

The girl gagged and tried to suck in air as Derek grabbed something and pulled it out. A thick glob of yellow phlegm hung from the metal tweezers. The girl sucked in air with a loud breath and lay back on the bed. A nurse grabbed an oxygen mask and put it over the girl's mouth to help steady her breathing.

"Unusual," Derek murmured. "You'll have to talk to the patients parents. I think there's something genetic here."

"Genetic?" Meredith asked as Derek went over to the sink and sterilised the tweezers.

"You will need to monitor her closely," Derek told her. "If she shows any more symptoms, then we can make a diagnosis."

"So you know what she might have?" Meredith asked.

"As I said, you will need to speak to her parents," Derek replied. "And get her an MRI scan scheduled."

"Okay." Meredith nodded. She trusted Derek. She loved Derek. Derek turned and started to leave the room.

"Meredith?"

Meredith looked up at him and the two shared another intense look. Derek smiled. Again, Meredith loved it when he smiled, when his intense blue eyes shone passionately.

"I'll see you tonight."

"You will." Meredith smiled. Derek left and Meredith walked over to her patient.

"I'm so scared." the girl whimpered.

"Don't be-" Meredith glanced at the girl's chart to read her name. "Natalie. I'm going to find out what's wrong with you."

Natalie nodded. She had very light blonde hair and light blue eyes. She was very pale and looked tired as she gripped her bed sheets tightly.

"Are my Mom and Dad going to visit me soon?" Natalie asked shakily.

"Yes," Meredith smiled reassuringly. "You'll be fine."

"Promise?" Natalie mumbled.

Meredith hesitated. She knew she couldn't make promises. If she promised then it could lead to bad consequences, as that's what happens when you make promises in Seattle Grace.

"I can't promise," Meredith admitted. "But you are in the best hospital in Washington, with the best doctors; we will do everything we can."

"And who was that doctor earlier?" Natalie asked. "That really hot guy?"

"You think he's hot?" Meredith grinned in amusement.

"Yeah! What's his name?"

"Doctor Shepherd." Meredith replied, smiling.

"Shepherd. Cool." Natalie smiled.

Meredith smiled too then remembered that she needed to schedule an MRI scan.

"You'll be getting an MRI scan once I've scheduled it," Meredith told her. "And hopefully we'll have a diagnosis then."

"Oh, alright." Natalie smiled, confused.

"If you need anything, I'll help you." Meredith added, then turned and walked to the door.

"Thank you!" Natalie smiled. "Dr Grey!"

"You can call me Meredith."

Meredith smiled at the girl and left the room. She was in a good mood when she walked down the corridors to see Addison walk out of a room toward her. And now the good mood was gone.

"Dr Grey." Addison acknowledged her as she passed by.

"Dr Shepherd." Meredith said coolly. She was continuing her role as 'the ex-girlfriend of Derek who was angry and jealous at Addison because she was his wife'. Not as 'the one having an affair with her husband without her knowing'.

Meredith continued walking until she reached the elevator. The doors slid open and a few unfamiliar interns exited. Meredith stepped in and waited for the doors to slide shut. She glanced around at the empty elevator, which reminded her so much of Derek. The elevator was where they went to talk without Addison hearing and kiss without Addison knowing. Unless Addison was in the elevator, then that lead to awkward moments.

Meredith felt guilty then. She felt guilty at doing this behind Addison's back, ruining their marriage. But she sternly told herself that their marriage was already ruined, and once Addison would leave to New York, they wouldn't need to hide their relationship anymore. She was the one for Derek. Not Addison. Derek was her McDreamy.

The doors slid open and George stepped in.

"Hi."

"Hi."

The two of them stood awkwardly in the elevator, with George glancing at her. Meredith was still a bit concerned for him after he had looked at her oddly.

"I heard about your seizure patient." George spoke.

"Yeah."

"So Derek's coming over tonight?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

Meredith glanced at George who looked slightly uncomfortable.

"If you don't want him to come, then we can call it off."

"No – no it's not that." George mumbled.

"What is it then?"

"Uh – well, uh-"

The elevator doors slid open and Meredith stepped out. George glanced down at his feet then watched Meredith as she walked down the corridor. Derek walked out from a room and went over to her, touching her arm as they stood close to each other and began to talk.

George watched on as the doors slid shut.


	3. Feelings I Can't Fight

**A/N** MerDer in this chapter!

**Feelings I Can't Fight**

"I scheduled the MRI scan." Meredith smiled at Derek as they walked down the corridor.

"That's good." Derek smiled, then paused and stopped walking. Meredith walked over to him and looked at him as his intense blue eyes gazed at her.

"Meredith-" Derek began to say.

"What?"

"I've been thinking."

"So have I. Are you still coming tonight? Izzie will be cooking."

"I'm not sure." Derek hesitated. Meredith looked at him intensely. What was he trying to say? That he wasn't interested in coming over tonight? That he was thinking of Addison?

"Derek, do you still have feelings for her?" Meredith placed her hand on his arm.

"No," Derek shook his head. "No. It's just that I won't be able to keep making excuses. She will find out. And I don't want her to."

"No. She won't," Meredith snapped. "We are going to stay together. You picked me. You chose me. You love _me_. Addison cheated on you. So you are cheating on her. It's payback for what she put you through."

"Yes," Derek exhaled and smiled. "Meredith, I _will_ be coming tonight."

"Good to hear." Meredith smiled as the two of them shared an intense look. She loved the way he looked at her. She hoped he didn't look at Addison in that way. And as Derek smiled, Meredith almost gave in and wanted to kiss him, but not in the corridor. She couldn't do that.

"Derek?" Addison suddenly walked up, her red hair around her shoulders, her eyebrow raised in a questioning expression.

"Uh, so I scheduled that MRI scan," Meredith said quickly. "So, I'll just go check on her. On Natalie. Dr Shepherd."

"Good idea," Derek cleared his throat. "Dr Grey."

Meredith quickly walked away, avoiding Addison's gaze, as Addison settled her glare on Derek.

"I see you're with Meredith," Addison accused. "You're not still with her are you?"

"No!" Derek snapped, a little too forced. At his wife's startled expression, he softened. He sighed and took Addison's hand.

"This is my reminder that we are together Addy," Derek forced a smile, fingering the wedding ring she wore. He recalled their wedding and felt a sudden rush of guilt. But then he reminded himself of how Addison had cheated on him.

"I'm not going to ruin our marriage."

"Good," Addison smiled, looking pleased and less suspicious. "So you and Meredith are just friends."

"Just friends." Derek smiled. Addison smiled and embraced him.

"I hope you don't have any rounds tonight," she sighed. "I was thinking that we could go for a walk. Away from the trailer for a while."

"That sounds good." Derek murmured. He felt guilty. Addison was so happy, he didn't want to see her face if she found out that he was still with Meredith. He didn't want to break her heart and leave her to pick up the shattered remains of their marriage.

"I'll see you tonight." Addison pulled away and gave him a warm smile before walking down the corridor.

"See you then." Derek whispered.

* * *

George lay down on a hospital bed as Cristina sat and read a book.

"Do you think she will notice me?" George asked again.

"No!" Cristina snapped. "For the last time George, if you want to go out with Meredith, then ask her."

"But she's with Dr Shepherd!" George protested.

"No she isn't," Cristina flicked through her book. "She told me. McDreamy's with Addison. Meredith is single."

"But-"

"But what George?" Cristina threw down her book in frustration. "Just talk to her! Before she starts going head over heels for McDreamy again and then you'll regret not speaking up for once and admitting your feelings."

"But she put her hand on his arm!" George cried.

"Well, that can be a sign of friendship." Cristina retorted, continuing to read her book.

George laughed.

"I thought she would have told you."

Cristina looked up at him.

"She's still with him. It's just that Addison doesn't know."

"Excuse me?" Cristina sat up and threw her book aside.

"She's still with Doctor Shepherd," George said quietly. "He's coming over again tonight. Did you not hear of his regular visits?"

"Meredith!" Cristina snapped angrily to herself, then shot a look at George.

"So I guess Izzie knows. _You_ know. Does _anybody_ else know?"

"And Alex." George mumbled.

"_Alex_?" Cristina cried. "So Izzie told him. Why didn't anyone tell me? How long has this been going on?"

"For a few weeks," George answered. "Since Addison arrived."

"That's it," Cristina leaped off her bed and checked the pager. "I'm going to find Meredith. I'm going to demand why she didn't tell me of her relationship. Her _affair_ that _everybody_ else knew about but me!"

"Uh, you shouldn't do that!" George called but Cristina had already stormed out of the door. George sighed and leaned against the wall. He hoped that Cristina would be able to do something about Meredith and Shepherd, though, part of him wanted Addison to find out. Then once Meredith got over Derek, he would ask her out. But Meredith would be heartbroken, and he didn't want her to be hurt. And he knew he should have gotten over his feelings for Meredith already, she loved Shepard.

George sighed and looked over at the book Cristina had thrown on the bed. He picked it up and glanced at the title.

_Gray's Anatomy._

_

* * *

_

Meredith entered her patient's room to see Natalie sleeping in her bed. She walked over and checked her chart. She was doing fine at the moment, but had to keep watching her closely, as Derek had told her to.

"Meredith!"

Meredith glanced up and saw Cristina storm into the room and glare at her.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?" Meredith hung the chart back on the bed and folded her arms as she faced a bitter looking Cristina.

"That you're loving McDreamy behind Addison's back?"

"Oh." Meredith winced. She had forgotten that Cristina didn't know. The past few weeks had gone quickly, and she had been occupied with keeping it all hidden from Addison.

"So it's true?" Cristina snapped.

"Yes."

"And Addison doesn't know?"

"No."

"What are you doing Mere?" Cristina sighed and leaned against the bed. She glanced at Meredith who looked at the ground.

"Addison will find out eventually. Or Derek will feel sorry for her eventually. Because he's _married_!"

"But he's with me!" Meredith snapped. "He's _my_ boyfriend! _My_ McDreamy! And she cheated on him!"

"That's true, but either way, he's going to have to choose."

"And he will choose me! He _will_ divorce Addison; he just needs to get the papers."

"But what if he doesn't want to get divorced?" Cristina said.

"I don't care!" Meredith snapped. "I didn't want your questions and your opinions. I don't want you doubting my relationship with Derek and now you know that I'm still with him, stop asking questions!"

"I'm being supportive. You need support." Cristina raised her eyebrow and gave Meredith a calm look.

"Well I don't need _your_ support," Meredith said firmly. "I'm with Derek. And when he gets divorced, I _will_ be with Derek and Addison will be gone."

"Fine." Cristina turned and left the room.

Meredith watched Cristina leave and sighed, running her hand through her hair. She didn't want to think of her Derek problems now. But now that Cristina had brought it up, her thoughts were only of Derek. She wanted to see him.

Meredith checked Natalie's chart and then checked her BMI, BP and heart rate. Her disorder was still confusing. What had Derek meant that it was _genetic_?

Meredith sighed and glanced at Natalie, smelling that strange odour. That had to mean something, it was a symptom. She just needed to find the diagnosis. Meredith turned to leave when she noticed the position of Natalie's hand.

It was lying in a very unnatural position, almost as if it had been broken. Meredith hurried over and adjusted the girl's hand to its normal position.

Another symptom.


	4. Don't Deceive Me

**Sorry about the long update everyone! I've been working on an original fantasy novel, check out the first chapter on , same author name as on this site. Enjoy!**

**Don't Deceive Me**

"Derek!"

Meredith saw Derek walking over to the reception desk as she hurried to catch up with him.

"Derek!"

Derek turned and noticed her, giving her a warm smile.

"Meredith."

Meredith handed him Natalie's chart.

"Her BP is normal. So is her heart rate and her BMI," Meredith stated. "Do you know what she has?"

"No," Derek glanced at the chart and leaned over the desk. "Laura Reed's chart please."

"Here, Dr Shepherd." A nurse handed him a chart and Derek started walking down the corridor. Meredith followed, frowning at him as Derek handed her the chart back.

"You said it was something genetic."

"It's only a hypothesis," Derek said quietly. "She has seizures. A mousy odour. Unusual hand posturing. There are many diseases and conditions with those symptoms."

"But what did you mean when you said it was genetic?" Meredith asked.

"It was only a guess," Derek answered. "I can make guesses; it doesn't mean I know her diagnosis."

"But-"

Derek sighed, and turned to face Meredith.

"Just talk to her parents," Derek told her. "Have you got her MRI results back?"

"The results will be processed in a few hours." Meredith answered and continued walking.

"Show me those when you get them." Derek ordered. Meredith nodded, but he seemed distant. He wasn't giving her the smile, the intense gaze. He was troubled.

"Is something wrong, Derek?" Meredith asked him.

"No." Derek said dismissively.

"I want to know!" Meredith protested.

Derek gave her a glance.

"Just bring me the MRI results when they arrive."

"Derek!"

Meredith stopped and watched as Derek walked down the corridor. She was angry at him for not talking to her. He seemed distracted. Had Addison said something to him to make him act this way?

Then her pager started beeping urgently. She glanced at it. _Emergency. Natalie._

Meredith ran down the corridor, pushing past nurses and interns and running into Natalie's room. She was breathless by the time she ran over to Natalie, who was having another seizure.

"Get her on her side." Meredith rolled Natalie onto her side and started checking her stats.

"Heart rate increasing. BP decreasing!" a nurse announced.

Meredith watched as Natalie thrashed around and turned to a nurse.

"Give her 10mg of phenobarbitol!" Meredith ordered. The nurse quickly acted and Meredith glanced at the monitor as it beeped continuously.

Then Natalie slumped and the seizure stopped.

"BP, heart rate is normal." A nurse commented.

Meredith breathed a sigh of relief and looked down at Natalie as she breathed in hard and shivered like she was cold.

Meredith frowned and watched as Natalie jerked. No, she wasn't shivering she was having a tremor.

"A tremor!" Meredith snapped. She lay Natalie on her back and gave her an oxygen mask to steady her breathing.

"What will that do?" an intern scoffed.

"It's going to steady her breathing!" Meredith glared at the intern. She had short brown hair and glared at Meredith as though she was a nurse. Meredith glanced at her tag. _Teressa. _Great. Now she had to deal with this intern.

"How would you know what to do?" Teressa smirked.

"Excuse me." Meredith glared at her. "I'm an _experienced_ intern. I am _good_ at what I do. And you've just started. You have a lot to learn."

Teressa stayed silent and looked at the ground.

After a few seconds, Natalie's tremors eased and she lay still. Meredith removed the oxygen mask and took the trembling girl's hand in comfort.

"I hate this," Natalie sobbed. "I want this to stop."

"I know I can't make promises," Meredith said quietly. "But I can promise you that I will find out what's wrong with you."

Natalie smiled and nodded.

Meredith checked her pager. The MRI results would have arrived. Hopefully they would help with the diagnosis.

"I'll be back." Meredith told her.

Derek cursed quietly, pulling off his white surgical mask and looking down at the patient he had been trying to save. But had failed.

"Time of death, 19.22." Derek said quietly.

He left the room and washed his hands under a sink, wiping his forehead to help ease the tension from the surgery. The patient, Laura, had a difficult ependyoma brain tumor.

And he had failed to save her.

Derek leaned over the sink, thinking of Meredith's expression when he had been rude to her earlier. Now he regretted that, he just had so many thoughts at the moment. He loved Meredith; he wanted to be with her. But he didn't want to break Addison's heart.

"I'm sorry Dr Shepherd," a surgeon walked over to him. "I know we did the best we could. You'll need to get your intern to speak with the family tomorrow."

"I'm capable of doing that myself." Derek protested.

"I know. But this was a difficult surgery. And you have three other patients; you need to focus on them."

Derek nodded and sighed.

"I'll get O'Malley to tell them."

"Goodnight Dr Shepherd."

Derek sighed and pulled off his blood splattered gloves. He pulled on his white coat and left the room. Halfway down the corridor Addison came up behind him.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"What's wrong?" Addison looked at him. She was concerned. She cared for him and loved him. But so did Meredith. Derek sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"I had to let Laura go."

"The brain tumour patient?" Addison asked, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"Yes," Derek sighed and took her hand. "I just need to go and check on Meredith."

"You do?" Addison asked, a flicker of suspicion crossing her face.

"She needs to show me the MRI results." Derek started walking, not wanting to see the expression on his wife's face. She always grew suspicious whenever he mentioned Meredith. It was getting tiresome; having to pretend nothing was going on all the time.

"Derek!"

Derek kept walking.

"Derek!" Addison ran up to him and grabbed his arm. "What about tonight? I was thinking of cooking."

Derek almost smiled. His wife wasn't the best cook, and she knew it.

"Soufflé?" Addison smiled. "I've finished my rounds for today, so when will you be done?"

Derek hesitated. He had told Meredith that he was going to her place tonight. But he didn't want to see Addison's face if he rejected her offer. Maybe he could stay at the trailer tonight. Just one night without seeing Meredith, one night without any suspicion from Addison.

But Meredith wouldn't be happy. And he didn't want her upset and thinking that he still loved Addison.

"Meet me at the reception area at 10." Derek told her, having thought of nothing else to say.

"I'll be there." Addison smiled, kissing Derek on the lips. Derek smiled and watched as she walked down the corridor, turning back to give him a little wave. Derek began to walk to Natalie's room.

"Well, your MRI scans are clear." Meredith flicked through the results as she sat on a seat beside Natalie.

"Is that a good thing?" Natalie asked.

"I'm not sure." Meredith replied. She looked up when someone walked through the door.

"Mom! Dad!" Natalie smiled, sitting up in her bed.

"Natalie!" a thin, pale woman ran over and hugged her daughter. She had thin brown hair and looked very sad. The father stood at the door, smiling at the two of them.

"Mr. and Mrs. Tilbury. She might be a bit weak from the MRI." Meredith said as she stood up and hung the chart on her bed.

"Have you found out what's wrong with her?" Mrs. Tilbury asked.

"Well, there have been a few complications," Meredith admitted. "She's been showing a lot of symptoms and we haven't found a diagnosis yet."

"Complications?" Mr. Tilbury snapped. "It's been three days, and you haven't found anything?"

"I just need to ask you some questions, it'll help your daughter a lot." Meredith said calmly.

"Questions?" Mr Tilbury laughed.

"It could help us find the diagnosis," Meredith said. "Is your daughter on a diet?"

"A diet?" Mrs Tilbury frowned. "No. She eats healthily. She eats meat and veges, whatever we put on her plate. Well, before all this started she was healthy. She loved her potato chips. Eta's her favourite brand."

"Is she on any medication at all?" Meredith asked.

"None. She never had anything wrong with her. Apart from feeling lightheaded, but that hardly ever happened."

"Apart from when she takes a lot of Panadol for her period pain." Mr Tilbury added. Mrs Tilbury shot him a scathing look.

"Panadol?" Meredith began to think. That could cause a few of the symptoms if Natalie had a blood condition. But the tests showed that her blood was fine.

"Have there been any problems in your family?" Meredith asked. "Any health problems? Diseases? Tumours?"

"No," Mrs Tilbury answered. "None. The only thing that's happened to me is a few failed blood tests, but that was all cleared up."

"Would even small things matter? Because my family has a trait of low melanin, it hasn't caused any problems whatsoever, and I doubt it would be helpful to you." Mr Tilbury said.

"It's not even important, that wouldn't do anything." Mrs Tilbury muttered.

"Well, there is a possibility that the low melanin gene could have passed onto Natalie," Meredith said. "And some diseases can be caused by low melanin."

"If that is true, then it's your fault." Mrs Tilbury playfully hit her husband and he laughed jokingly.

Meredith smiled and looked over at Natalie.

"Well, I think your daughter needs to get some rest. You can return tomorrow when we figure out a proper diagnosis."

"Did we help at all?" Mrs Tilbury asked.

Meredith hesitated.

"You did. Thank you Mr and Mrs Tilbury."

"Thank you. Dr Grey. Will we hopefully see some results tomorrow?"

"Hopefully," Meredith smiled reassuringly. "Well, goodnight."

She escorted the two of them out of the room, after they said goodnight to Natalie. As the couple walked down to the reception, Meredith was surprised to see Derek walking over to her.

"Derek."

"Meredith, did you get the results for the MRI?"

"Yeah, they're clean."

"Okay." Derek paused to think.

"I've finished with Natalie," Meredith added. "So, I'm free. I just need to change and we can go."

"Well-" Derek looked at her. He seemed to be struggling with something. Meredith frowned at him.

"Something wrong? Is it Addison?"

"No, no its okay. It's fine," Derek smiled. "I'll wait for you."

"Izzie will be cooking," Meredith reminded him. They walked down the corridor into the reception area. Derek seemed to grow tense, and looked behind them as though expecting someone to walk over to them. He glanced at his pager, checking the time.

"What?" Meredith asked him.

"Derek!"

Addison strode up to them, an angry and hurt expression on her face.

"Meredith? How come you're here?"


	5. Believe Me

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews - here is the next chapter.

**Believe Me**

"Addison…" Derek began.

"What?" Addison snapped, glaring at Meredith. "Did you tell me to wait here just so I could see you with Meredith?Some kind of hint that you're still interested in her_?_"

"You told her to wait here?" Meredith glanced at Derek.

"No, no, it's not that," Derek stepped towards Addison. "Addy, let me explain."

"Explain what?" Addison cried. "That you're having an affair with Meredith? After you told me you were _just friends_!"

"Addison." Derek sighed.

"I can't believe you, Derek!" Addison snapped.

"ADDISON!" Derek shouted. "I'm _not_ having an affair with Meredith!"

Addison was shocked at his outburst and glared at him.

"It doesn't look like that to me!" Addison shouted, almost in tears.

"Addison."

Addison looked over at Meredith who had suddenly spoken.

"Derek and I are _not_ together," Meredith lied. "We were coming out here, to tell you – to invite you -"

"Yes!" Derek smiled. "We were going to-"

"Invite you to Joe's!" Meredith said quickly.

"I think I can tell when I'm being lied to." Addison said coldly.

"Addy, we aren't lying," Derek placed his hand on her arm. "Why don't you come to Joe's with us? We will be away from the trailer, and you won't need to cook."

Addison smiled slightly. Meredith watched the scene play out before her. Derek was looking at Addison in that intense gaze. _Their_ gaze. Almost like he still had feelings for Addison. Or was he just putting on an act?

"Okay," Addison wiped her eyes. "I'll come. So you and Meredith are really just friends?"

"Just friends," Derek smiled. "Right Meredith?"

"Um, I think I will go home." Meredith said.

"What?" Derek turned to look at her.

"I'm going. Home," Meredith said to him. "You and Addison can go. I'll go. Home."

"But Meredith!" Derek protested.

"It's fine," Meredith said quietly. "Goodnight Addison. Dr Shepherd."

"Meredith!"

Meredith turned and walked out the door. She was hurt and angry. And jealous. Derek still loved Addison. They couldn't be together if he still loved her. That would lead to complications. And misery.

Meredith glanced back and saw Derek and Addison step out of the hospital, his arm around her. When he saw her, he glanced up and the two of them shared a look. Not a passionate, intense look. But a placid look.

Right now, she didn't want to look at Derek. She wanted to be alone. The scene of the two of them being together, it hurt. And the pain wouldn't go away, no matter how hard she tried to forget, she couldn't.

She doubted that Derek and Addison would go there. They would probably go to some ferry boats. Maybe she would go to Joe's. Alone. And drown out the pain of seeing Derek with Addison in some alcohol. Tequila. Tequila sounded good.

"Meredith?"

Meredith looked up and saw George looking at her in concern.

"I'm okay." Meredith slurred slightly, feeling a bit groggy. And very tired. She had been at Joe's drinking tequila. Good tequila. But now she felt tired. And she couldn't focus. And she couldn't forget Derek and Addison.

"I'm going to check on Natalie." Meredith stumbled up and walked over to a sink, turning the tap and listening to the sound of the water.

"Meredith, you shouldn't be working today, not in this state."

"No," Meredith said sternly. "I can work. I'm fine, and I don't have any surgeries to do today, so I'll be fine."

Meredith splashed water over her face and felt more alert. She hurried out of the changing room, pushing open the swing doors.

"Meredith!" George called out.

Meredith strode down the corridor and walked down to the elevator. Derek would be there. The elevator was their place.

Meredith hurried over to the elevator and watched as the doors slid open. It was empty. Derek wasn't there.

Meredith stepped in and waited as the doors slid shut. The rushing noise of the moving elevator seemed so distant. Meredith stood in the elevator, seeing Derek's face when he smiled. His eyes shone as he stood in the elevator with her.

"_I will only stay with Addison until I get the divorce papers._" Derek spoke, his voice sounding faint. "_But I have a lot of things on my mind, Meredith. She is my wife. I can't just leave her._"

Meredith stared as the doors suddenly slid open. Meredith was shaken from her thoughts and glanced up to see Derek step in.

"Derek!"

"Meredith."

They stood in awkward silence.

"Derek, do you still love her?" Meredith asked, feeling a bit shaky on her feet. The doors slid shut.

"Meredith, I love _you_." Derek said quietly, giving her that intense gaze, and touching her arm in concern when she stumbled a bit groggily.

"You're just saying that," Meredith snapped. "You love Addison. Your wife. Why don't you be with _me_ Derek?"

"Addison's quite aware that something's going on between us, Mere," Derek said softly.

"We can just continue," Meredith begged. "Just as we did before. Addison won't know."

"I can't pretend anymore, I can't keep this up for the rest of my life, Meredith."

"What?" Meredith cried, feeling like he had slapped her.

"Addison is my wife. And you're– Meredith, and -"

"Yes!" Meredith cried. "I am! And you're Derek! McDreamy! And I want to be with you!"

Derek looked at her, an unreadable expression on his face. The elevator seemed to be moving so slowly as they looked at each other.

"You're not well," Derek noticed. "Did you go to Joe's last night?"

"I did," Meredith said proudly. "To the bar where we met. And where did you go with Addison last night?"

"She was tired; we just went back to the trailer." Derek said quietly. "Meredith, maybe you should take the day off. I can get another intern to take over your rounds, you need to rest and get over the hangover."

"Hung over? I'm not hung over anyone; you're hung over Addison, your wife." Meredith slurred a bit.

"Meredith, I'll get Teressa to do your rounds today. Just go home and rest."

"No. I don't need _her _doing _my _rounds. She thinks _I_ can't handle a seizure patient, she needs to get over herself."

"Meredith," Derek sighed. "Go home. Please."

"No," Meredith exhaled slowly. "I'm okay. Sorry. I'm just out of it today. I can focus, Derek."

Derek continued to look at her, as though he was deciding.

Then he quickly stepped closer to her and grabbed her, kissing her passionately. Meredith responded, and put her arms around his neck. Derek slid his hands up her back as they continued kissing. Then there was a beep and the elevator doors began to slide open.

Meredith quickly pulled away and adjusted her clothes, wiping her mouth. Derek coughed and faced the door, giving Meredith a passionate glance. Meredith looked at him and smiled as the doors opened.

"I'll come round to see you later." Derek smiled.

"Yeah." Meredith grinned, watching Derek leave. She was happy. She couldn't think of not being with him, she wanted Derek in her life. In her future. She walked back to the locker rooms and got a drink of water, splashing her face again to keep alert. She could focus a bit more now, and recalled what she had said to Derek earlier. She felt a bit stupid to say those things, but shrugged it off.

She checked her pager and then hurried to Natalie's room. Derek was there, checking her charts.

"I think I know what she has." Derek hung the chart on her bed and turned to smile at Meredith.

"You do?" Meredith was interested.

"It's genetic," Derek walked over to Natalie's side and checked her monitor. "From your report last night, Natalie consumed a fair amount of Panadol. Panadol contains a lot of phenylalanine, which will have caused the symptoms, the seizures, the mousy odour."

"You think its phenylketonuria?" Meredith raised an eyebrow. Natalie would have inherited her father's gene of low melanin. That would have made her more susceptible to the disease. The low melanin and the amount of phenylalanine that Natalie had consumed would have caused the phenylketonuria.

So that was what Derek was thinking of when he said it could have been genetic. The low melanin was genetic.

"Yes," Derek smiled. "It is."

"So you know what I have?" Natalie asked, smiling happily.

"We do," Derek smiled. "Meredith? How do we treat it?"

"We need to do an enzyme assay to detect the carrier state," Meredith said. "And run a PKU screening and keep Natalie on fluids."

"Good," Derek smiled, impressed with his intern. "Do you want to schedule the PKU screening?"

"Sure." Meredith smiled. Derek gave her that intense gaze again as he walked past her.

"When can I go home?" Natalie asked as Derek left the room.

"Once you go through the PKU screening, you'll be fine." Meredith smiled.

"Cool!" Natalie smiled. "Thank you Dr Grey. And say thanks to Dr Shepherd too."

"If we had left you untreated any longer, there was a risk that you could have suffered mental disability." Meredith added.

"You mean I could have become a retard?" Natalie snorted. Meredith gave her a sideways glance, the girl seemed to think having mental disabilities was something funny.

"You could have died." Meredith said abruptly.

Natalie went silent.

"I'll return when it's time for your PKU screening." Meredith decided.

"Okay." Natalie nodded.

Meredith turned and left the room. She wanted to talk to Derek.


	6. Decisions

**Sorry about the extremely long update, will be releasing a chapter every day, so continue reading and enjoy!**

**Decisions**

"It's out." Derek announced, retracting the scalpel from the patient's stomach.

"BP's steady." Cristina stated.

"Suture the stomach." Derek ordered. "Heart rate's increasing."

Derek grabbed some per strings and began suturing the deep incision across the patient's stomach. Bloodied shards of glass lay on a metal tray beside him.

"Incision's sutured." Derek stated.

"Heart rate steady."

"She's done."

Derek pulled off his white surgical mask and smiled. He had successfully removed the glass from the patient's stomach. Derek left the room and pulled off his gloves. He sterilized his hands and splashed his face with cold water.

"That was a good surgery." Cristina smiled at him. Derek smiled in return. Removing glass from a patient's stomach was difficult, as you would need to be careful not to cut the delicate lining of the stomach, and then make sure the patient wouldn't get any internal bleeding.

"It was." Derek agreed. Cristina pulled off her bloodied gloves and sterilised her hands.

"Could you take the patient back to her call room?" Derek asked her. "And give me a regular update on her."

"Sure." Cristina nodded and hesitated, as though she wanted to say something else.

"Now."

"I'm going."

Cristina left.

Derek dried off his hands and left the room, pushing open the swing doors and pulling on his lab coat.

"Derek."

Derek looked up to see Meredith walking over to him.

"Meredith." Derek acknowledged her.

"Derek, what about Addison?" Meredith snapped, a little too loudly.

"Meredith, calm down." Derek motioned for her to follow him and they stepped into an abandoned call room.

"Do you still want to be with Addison? Why don't you want to be with me?" Meredith cried. "I'm available, Derek! I'm not seeing anyone! Why won't you pick me? Leave Addison! Please Derek!"

"But she's my wife!" Derek snapped. "I can't just leave her for you! We've been married for years, and I don't want to throw all that away!"

"But you don't love her!" Meredith shouted. "You love me. And remember, she cheated on you!"

"I need some time to think about this Meredith." Derek sighed.

"Well, you _had_ time!" Meredith said, exasperated. "You _need_ to choose Derek! Will you be with me?"

"I-I don't know." Derek admitted. He loved Meredith, and he was sure he felt the same way to Addy as well.

Meredith watched as Derek opened the door and left the room.

"Derek!" Meredith pleaded, going after him. Derek was walking quickly down the corridor towards the elevator.

"Derek!" Meredith shouted, running up to him.

"What, Meredith?" Derek glanced at her.

"When will you choose? You have to tell me, so I can at least know."

The two of them waited in front of the elevator as the doors slid open. They stepped inside as three other interns hurried out.

"I don't know Meredith." Derek ran his hand through his hair, sighing and looking up at the roof.

"Derek." Meredith pleaded. Derek looked at her. Then he suddenly grabbed her and kissed her. They kissed hungrily, Meredith pressed back against the elevator. Derek kissed her neck, his hands holding her arms. Meredith kissed him back, pulling him against her.

But again they were stopped when there was a _ding_ and the doors slid open. Meredith and Derek pulled away and glanced at each other. Meredith was uncertain. Did Derek really still want to be with her?

"Do you have any patients to see?" Meredith asked him. Derek glanced at her, smiling.

"Not for a while." Derek smiled. He was giving her that intense, excited look. So he did still want to be with her.

Meredith grinned and went over to the elevator controls she pushed a button and the doors closed.

"Floor five." Meredith smiled.

"Good." Derek smiled, stepping closer to her. He grabbed Meredith and kissed her with a fierce passion. Meredith pulled away to breathe and they resumed their passionate, sweaty kissing. It was only when there was that annoying _ding_ that they pulled away.

The doors slid open and Meredith gave Derek an intense look. Derek smiled at her, his clear blue eyes gazing at her as those crinkles formed around his eyes.

"I'll talk to you later." Derek smiled. Meredith smiled and watched as he left the elevator. She sighed and leaned against the elevator. Then Addison stepped into the elevator just as the doors were closing.

Meredith stopped leaning and turned to face Addison. She looked her usual, wearing a short black skirt with heels and her wavy red hair around her shoulders.

"Hi Meredith."

"Hi Addison."

"Listen, I'm sorry about yesterday," Addison apologized. "I'm sorry I accused you of still being with Derek. I really am. I didn't mean for you to leave. Going to Joe's together sounded good."

"It's okay." Meredith said quietly, looking at the ground and recalling what she and Derek had been doing earlier. Addison had no idea. And that fact kept her smiling. Addison noticed that.

"You seem happy today, huh." Addison commented.

"No," Meredith said. "Just trying to get over my hangover."

"I see." Addison blinked.

The doors slid open and Meredith hurried out.

"Bye!" Addison called.

Meredith hurried down the corridor into Natalie's room.

"Hi Dr Grey." Natalie smiled. Meredith smiled and checked the girl's charts.

"You're fine," Meredith smiled. "You've recovered well from the PKU screening. I think you're good to go."

"That's great!" Natalie smiled. "So can I leave now?"

"I'll need to check it over with Dr Shepherd," Meredith answered. "I'll tell your parents and then get Dr Bailey to discharge you from here."

"Thank you Meredith." Natalie smiled.

Meredith smiled at her and left the room, walking down the plain, familiar corridor. She reached for her pager and paged Derek. Then she sat down and waited for him to arrive.

"Meredith!"

Izzie walked over and sat down next to her.

"Hi Izzie." Meredith smiled.

"You look tired." Izzie commented.

"I am. Tired. And hungover," Meredith admitted. "I have so many things on my mind. Derek. Addison. I'm worried about who he will choose."

"Well, I wouldn't be disappointed if he chose Addison." Izzie said. Meredith glared at her.

"Meredith, he's married to her. Don't you understand that?" Izzie said.

"I don't want to." Meredith snapped. "I want Derek to choose me. I want to be with him, Izzie. I want him in my life. And Addison cheated on him. That's what ruined their marriage anyway."

"But Addison still loves him, they were together for a long time," Izzie pointed out. "You just need to give McDreamy time to decide who he really wants to be with."

"I guess I do." Meredith mumbled.

"Well, see you later." Izzie stood up and walked away. Meredith glanced at the ground when Derek sat down beside her.

"Meredith?"

"Who do you love more, Derek?" Meredith asked. "Me or Addison? Because I want to know. I want us to be together, Derek."

"Not this again Meredith." Derek sighed.

"Why don't you tell me?"

"You want me to tell you what I think?" Derek snapped. "Fine. If I was to choose, I would choose Addison because she is my wife and when we married I promised to be committed to her! And I want to stay committed to her!"

Derek stood up and walked away in anger.

"Derek!"

Meredith stood up and ran after him, grabbing his arm.

"Why do you keep doing this?" Meredith asked him. "The elevator, the intense looks. Why are you doing this to me? Are you just trying to make this harder for me, if you feel that way about her?"

"Meredith." Derek looked at her. But not in an intense, passionate way.

"Me or Addison, Derek?" Meredith asked him. "I want to know now. Who you really care about more. No more running or excuses. Tell me Derek."


	7. The Truth May Hurt

**The Truth May Hurt**

"Meredith, I-"

"Derek! I want to know!" Meredith protested.

"I don't know." Derek murmured.

"Stop saying excuses, you do know, that's why you're avoiding all this!" Meredith said.

"If I was to choose, I would choose Addison." Derek said quietly, looking at Meredith.

Meredith stepped away from him, feeling like he had insulted her. In a way, he had. He had chosen Addison over her.

"Why?" Meredith whispered.

"Because she is my wife," Derek answered. "And I am going to be there for her."

Meredith didn't want to look at him. She couldn't bring herself to look at him. This was different than seeing him with Addison. He was _admitting _to the fact that he wanted to be with her, and not Meredith.

Derek looked at her, with those eyes she loved to look at, and how she loved his smile. She felt like he had used her like scrap. And thrown her away because he wanted to be with Addison. Used scrap. That was what she felt like. And hungover.

Now there would be no more meetings in the elevator, no more intense, passionate looks or sweaty kissing. Their relationship had ended. It had just….ended. It was just. Over.

"Meredith, I'm sorry." Derek reached out to touch her arm. Meredith didn't want to be near him. She turned and walked off down the corridor.

"Meredith!" Derek called.

Meredith walked to Natalie's room and flicked through her charts, trying to keep her mind occupied. If she stopped to think about Derek, the pain would start again and she wouldn't' be able to take her mind off him. She just had to pretend that none of it had happened.

"Hi Dr Grey." Natalie smiled.

"Hi." Meredith said. She hung the chart back on the bed and walked over to Natalie.

"I'm going to ring your parents, and then you can go home." Meredith said.

"What about checking with Dr Shepherd?" Natalie asked. At the mention of Derek's name Meredith felt that pain, having broken up with Derek. The pain at knowing that she would never be able to kiss him again, or hold him. They would just be - friends. She couldn't pretend all of that never happened anymore.

"I don't need to check with _him_." Meredith snapped.

"Do you two have a problem or something?" Natalie asked.

"Not anymore." Meredith said quickly. She recovered from thinking of Derek and decided to focus on dealing with her patient.

"I'll go and call your parents. Dr Bailey will fill out the charts."

"Okay." Natalie nodded.

Meredith left the room after taking Natalie's chart and walked down the corridor to the phone.

She flicked to Natalie's contact details and dialled her parents. After a brief talk with them to let them know that Natalie was ready to go home, Meredith hung up and walked back to Natalie.

"Your parents are coming now." Meredith smiled.

"Thank you Meredith," Natalie smiled. "I hope you and Dr Shepherd sort out your problems."

Meredith smiled slightly and left the room, the pain and everything that had taken place earlier rushing back to her. Her problems with Derek couldn't be sort out. She hurried down the corridor and checked her pager. Now that her patient was dismissed, she wanted to find something else to do before she would get chosen to do sutures, or worse.

"Meredith."

Derek walked up to her.

"I discharged Natalie," Meredith said coldly. "She's fine now. She's going home today."

"Thanks for doing that for me, did you give Dr Bailey her charts?" Derek smiled. Meredith didn't look at him.

"I didn't do it for you Dr Shepherd," Meredith said quietly. "And you can give Dr Bailey the charts."

"Dr Shepherd?" Derek frowned.

"I'm not going to be nice to you," Meredith stated. "I'm not going to pretend that you choosing Addison never happened. I understand. She's your wife, and you're committed."

"Meredith!" Derek sighed.

"How can I be nice to you?" Meredith cried. "You chose Addison over me! So I hope you're happy Dr Shepherd!"

Meredith turned and walked away from him. She kept walking, and took the stairs instead of the elevator.

"Grey!" Bailey walked up to her as she exited the stairs.

"Yes?"

"I've been looking for someone to get the lab reports." Bailey said.

"Oh, well, um I have-" Meredith began.

"You have discharged your patient, so you have time!" Bailey snapped. "And you will be using that time to collect lab reports!"

"But-" Meredith said. She didn't want to do lab reports. Anything but that.

"Don't come complaining to me! Now get to it!" Bailey said, annoyed at the look Meredith was giving her.

"I'm hungover." Meredith admitted.

"Hungover enough to not be working? Hungover enough to not be discharging patients without telling me first and giving me the charts? Hungover enough to not spend the rest of the day doing lab reports?" Bailey shook her head and walked off as Meredith stared after her.

She didn't feel like doing lab reports. She didn't feel like doing anything but lying down and wallowing in her thoughts of Derek. She was broken. Derek wasn't going to be with her anymore, he wouldn't be in her future. He was going to be with Addison. _Used scrap_.

Meredith sighed and walked over to the reception desk.

"Lab reports?" Meredith asked dully, perhaps if she sounded dull enough the nurse would notice her hangover and make her go home.

"Here you go, Dr Grey." the nurse passed her a few clipboards. Obviously she noticed Meredith's state, and simply didn't care. Meredith took the clipboards and walked as slow as she could to the first room to collect lab reports for the next few hours.

* * *

"Derek!" Addison looked up and smiled. Derek walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Hey," Derek smiled. "I feel like we haven't been doing anything, or communicating that well. Do you want to go for a walk, away from the trailer tonight? I can take you out somewhere."

"Derek!" Addison laughed, smiling happily. "What's started this?"

"I've just been thinking," Derek replied. "About our future. And I want to make our marriage work. I've put what happened between you and Mark behind me, and you can put what happened with me and Meredith behind you."

"Okay, I can do that." Addison looked at Derek. She was surprised at how Derek was suddenly giving her more attention than usual. But she was happy with that. Derek embraced her and smiled.

"How about we go to a restaurant?" Derek suggested. Addison pulled away and smiled.

"Sounds good." Addison leaned over and kissed Derek on the lips.

"I'll talk to you tonight." Derek smiled. Addison smiled at him and walked down the corridor.

Derek turned and walked to his current patient's room, Laura Reed, the patient who he had removed the glass from her stomach.

"Laura. How are feeling?" Derek smiled as he picked up her chart.

"I'm tired, and bored," Laura sighed. "I really want to see my boyfriend."

"Well, I'm sure you will be able to see him when you've recovered." Derek said. Cristina stepped into the room. Derek acknowledged her, pleased that she had gotten his page.

"Cristina, could you administer the antibiotics for Laura?" Derek asked. "She has recurring pain from the surgery, and will need antibiotics administered every two hours."

"Oh yay." Laura muttered.

"Dr Shepherd," Cristina spoke as Derek was about to leave the room. "Why is Meredith upset? Did you say something to her?"

"I did." Derek said quietly. "But not now, Cristina. Not in front of our patient."

"She's heartbroken Derek." Cristina said. Derek glanced at her, feeling terrible at how Meredith was feeling.

"I'm staying with Addy, Cristina." Derek said. "I'm sure you can understand that."

"I do understand that." Cristina said quietly.

Derek turned and left the room, considering seeing Meredith. But she wouldn't want to talk to him. He had chosen Addison and he was going to try and make his relationship with her work. He didn't want to break up their marriage.


	8. I Still Regret

**A/N: To be clear, I gave up on GA five years ago, and I did write this when I was in high school...  
**

**To those of you who are actually enjoying this story, here's another chapter!**

* * *

**8 I Still Regret**

"Addy?"

Derek walked up to Addison and took her hand.

"Derek! Hi." Addison beamed. She kissed him on the cheek and smiled. Derek couldn't help but smile. He didn't realize how well he and Addy got along together, apart from the fact that she didn't like him bringing trout into the trailer.

"My shift ended," Derek smiled. "What about yours?"

"I just need to check off my patient's chart." Addison went over to the reception desk and asked for someone's chart. Derek looked at her in admiration. He realized that being with Addison was what he needed right now. He didn't need to think of Meredith.

"Okay, I'm done." Addison smiled, walking back to Derek.

"Let's head back to the trailer." Derek smiled. At Addison's look he reconsidered.

"Why don't we go to a restaurant?" Derek suggested.

"Actually," Addison changed her mind. "I think we should go back to the trailer. I don't feel like doing anything like that."

"Okay," Derek frowned, concerned for her. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Just lightheaded," Addison admitted. "I'll be fine."

Derek took her hand and the two of them headed out of the hospital. Derek was dressed in casual jeans and jacket, with Addy in a short skirt and lacy top. They both got into Derek's car and drove to the trailer.

"Want to take a shower?" Derek smiled at Addison as they stepped into the trailer. Addison looked at him as he gave her an intense, passionate look. Then she realized what he wanted to do.

"Sure." Addison smiled. Derek smiled at her, but then his thoughts drifted to Meredith. He got annoyed at how he kept thinking of Meredith. And now he wasn't in the mood to think of her.

Addison went to the bathroom and pulled off her clothes. Derek sat down at the table and heard the water running. Then he walked over to the shower and saw Addison step in, the water running down her bare skin. She was trembling and looked so delicate.

Derek decided to get in and discarded his clothes, getting into the shower with Addison. He kissed her passionately, rubbing his hands down her back. Addison responded by pulling him closer. Derek's hands slid around her waist, breathing in the steam that had quickly formed in the shower.

A few minutes later, they stepped out and Addison was smiling at Derek.

"Hot shower sex was really what I needed." Addison smiled.

Derek smiled back, but he kept thinking of Meredith. He wanted to just forget her and enjoy his relationship with Addison, but he kept thinking of her.

"Same." Derek said quietly, staring into the distance as he got dressed.

"I'll cook something." Addison offered. Derek nodded and sat down at the table, his thoughts drifting to Meredith. He could still remember how she had looked at him painfully when he had told her that he wanted to be with Addison.

But now Derek regretted choosing Addison. He couldn't get Meredith out of his head. He hoped that sleep would get him more focused.

* * *

Meredith stared blankly into the air.

"Meredith?" George asked, watching her in concern. Meredith just looked at him, her thoughts on Derek. She still couldn't believe that Derek had chosen Addison. Over her.

"He chose her," Meredith said bluntly. "Over me. I'm screwed. I'm not good enough for Derek. He chose _her_! He chose _her_ over _me_ George!" Her voice rose as she spoke.

"You aren't screwed," George said reassuringly. "But he was married to her. And you are good. Good enough for someone else."

Meredith looked at him.

"I mean, I'm – uh, I'm not saying that um…" George stumbled over his words but Meredith just continued staring blankly ahead.

"O'Malley! Grey!" Bailey's stern voice snapped from the hallway. George glanced at Meredith and the two of them left the changing rooms to see Bailey standing and glaring at them.

"I paged you!" Bailey snapped, hurrying down the corridor. "There's been a car accident, two patients with severe injuries!"

They ran outside to see an ambulance parked in front of them, a few nurses wheeling out two young girls on gurneys.

"They need serious attention." Bailey snapped. Cristina and Izzie ran over to them.

"Meredith?" Cristina glanced at Meredith who continued staring blankly at the ground.

"Hurry! Move your asses interns!" Bailey snapped. "Get to the ICU! Now!"

Meredith glanced at the patients lying on the gurneys and helped Cristina wheel the girl with black hair and glasses into the hospital. Her glasses had been smashed, shards of thick glass wedged in the skin around her eyes. They pushed past interns and nurses and wheeled the patients into the ICU.

"Young girl, 16 years old," Bailey stated as they wheeled the black haired girl up to a monitor. "Three broken ribs, broken arm, hit her head against the car dashboard. Needs a dose of acetaminophen now!"

Meredith grabbed an oxygen mask and placed it over the girl's mouth. Cristina quickly injected the acetaminophen as some nurses hurried in.

"Get this patient stable!" Bailey ordered, and then ran out the room to deal with the other patient.

"Heart rate's falling!" a nurse warned.

Meredith looked at the girl who struggled to breathe through the pain.

"Give her 10mg of trandolapril!" Meredith ordered.

"BP's dropping." A nurse said.

"Keep her breathing steady!" Cristina snapped at a nurse. Then the monitor's beeping slowed to a flat line.

"Her heart's stopped!" a nurse shouted. "Code Blue! Code Blue!"

"Come on." Meredith glanced around, but the Code Blue team hadn't arrived. Then two nurses hurried in with the heart shock machine. Cristina grabbed the paddles and Meredith applied gel to them.

"Charge to 200!" Cristina ordered.

"Charged. Clear." A nurse said. Cristina shocked the girl. The monitor started beeping.

"Heart rate's steady." a nurse commented.

"BP's normal." Another nurse said.

Meredith looked down at the girl, blood dribbling from her chest. Her left arm was a dark purple, the bone sticking out through the skin in an odd angle.

"She needs an X-ray for her broken arm and ribs. And that glass needs to be removed. Stat." Meredith said, noticing three bones sticking out from her chest at odd angles. The girl was covered in dried blood, her face barely visible through the blood from the glass in her face.

"And get an MRI scheduled." Cristina added.

Bailey entered the room.

"Yang, get an MRI scheduled for her, and remove that glass." Bailey ordered. "Grey, get her chart done and schedule the X-ray."

Yang moved off to get the MRI scheduled. Bailey left the room and the nurses wheeled the heart shock machine out. Meredith took a seat and started filling out a blank chart.

After filling out everything she could, Meredith hung the chart on the girl's bed and went to see how the other patient was doing.

"Grey, get out!" Bailey snapped.

"How is she?" Meredith asked.

"She needs 20mg of acetaminophen!" Bailey ordered. Meredith hurried over to the other girl, who had shoulder length blonde hair, her face covered in blood. Meredith administered the acetaminophen as George hurried to steady her breathing.

The monitor beeped slowly as the girl's heart rate steadied.

"All stats are normal." A nurse commented.

"Good work O'Malley, Grey." Bailey nodded at them. "George, work on getting a CT for the patient. Dr Burke will arrive shortly. Grey, get back to your other patient. This hospital is as busy enough as it is."

Bailey left the room and Meredith walked over to the girl.

"What's wrong with her?" Meredith looked up at George who was scribbling in a blank chart.

"Uh, she has a few broken bones," George replied. "Internal bleeding. But she's doing fine at the moment."

"Okay." Meredith nodded.

"Are you okay?" George looked at her. "I know what Derek said, but you shouldn't let him distract you."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "But it's hard. It's painful for me to go through this. I can't stand not seeing Derek anymore."

Meredith was almost in tears, recalling her painful conversation with him. And how she thought of herself as used scrap.

"I had all my hopes on being with Derek." Meredith said quietly.

"It's a painful road to recovery." George stated. Meredith looked at him, not really wanting to hear that. She didn't think that she would ever recover from what Derek had said.

"Uh, well, I guess you better get back to your patient. This isn't the appropriate time to discuss problems." George mumbled.

"I guess." Meredith said distantly. She turned and left the room. George stared after her, angry at how Shepherd had made her upset. He shouldn't have said it to Meredith. In a way, George was glad she wasn't with Derek. But Meredith was hurt, and George didn't want her to be unhappy and distant.

Maybe she was better off being with Derek.


	9. I Still Think of You

**9. I Still Think Of You**

"What's your name?" Meredith asked as she looked down at the young blonde haired girl. She had just woken up and was a bit groggy from her X-rays and CT scans.

"I'm Marie." the girl answered, her voice croaking.

"Could you tell me what happened?" Meredith asked her.

"I was driving…" Marie whispered. "And I fell asleep. And we crashed. And it hurt."

"Yes," Meredith nodded. "Who is the other girl? Your friend who was with you?"

"Um-" Marie frowned. Meredith looked at her. Was she struggling to remember her friend's name?

"Did you hit your head? Can you remember that?" Meredith asked.

"No!" Marie shook her head. "No, I didn't hit my head. Her name is Anita. Where is she? Can I leave yet?"

"Well, I'm not your doctor," Meredith said. "I'm Anita's. And she's here. In the hospital, and she's in a coma."

"A coma?" Marie gasped.

"Grey!" Bailey snapped as she looked into the room. "Why are you talking to the patient that isn't yours? Get back to your patient!"

Meredith sighed and smiled at Marie before leaving the room. Bailey glared at her as she left.

Meredith hurried down the corridor to see Derek stepping into the elevator. She felt a pang of misery. She could still remember when Derek had looked at her in that intense gaze, when he had kissed her in the elevator. _That would probably be the last time that we kissed_, Meredith thought unhappily. She watched as Derek stood in the elevator, and for a second she wanted to go in there and see him. But she knew he was with Addison. And he had chosen Addison over her!

Meredith stepped back, her eyes focused on Derek. He had his tousled hair around his face, and as he looked up, his eyes focused on her. Meredith looked at him, not wanting to look away but she knew she had to. She needed to get over Derek.

Derek looked at Meredith intensely and began to step forward as though he wanted to walk over and speak to her. Meredith quickly looked away and walked down the corridor, feeling Derek's gaze on her back.

She couldn't stand Derek looking at her in that way. She wanted to leave and think, but not think of him. She didn't want to think of Derek. He was married. With Addison.

"Meredith?"

George walked up to her.

"George." Meredith smiled sadly and walked with him to the call room. She sat down on a hospital bed and put her head in her hands.

"Mere, what's wrong?" George asked. "I know that you're upset about Derek, but-"

"Upset?" Meredith cried. "I'm more than _upset_! I'm depressed, I feel like used scrap! He chose Addison over _me_! Seriously, George! Whenever I see him, he always looks at me! In that look, that _look_ George!"

"Well, maybe you need to get away from him," George mumbled. "Maybe, um, do you want to-"

"Meredith!"

Cristina stepped into the room and looked at her. Then she walked over and sat down beside her.

"You need to get over Derek. Seriously," Cristina said. "He's married."

"I know." Meredith snapped, then sighed heavily and leaned against the wall. "It's so hard. I can't stop remembering, remembering when we kissed, when we last had sex, when we actually talked to each other!"

"I know what you need," Cristina smiled. "Hot chocolate in bed."

Meredith snorted and laughed. "Hot chocolate in bed?"

"It got your mind off him for a second." Cristina grinned.

"All I need is Derek," Meredith sighed unhappily. "When will this end? I can't just forget these feelings I have for him. I still want to be with him, but I know it's over."

"You need to move on." George pointed out.

"Exactly." Cristina agreed.

Meredith could still see Derek in her mind, standing in front of her.

"_Meredith._" He smiled, those crinkles forming around his eyes. "_I love you_."

"It all seems like a lie," Meredith whispered, tears forming in her eyes. "When he said he loved me. And he chose Addison over me!"

"Mere!" George sighed. Meredith started sobbing and cried, leaning on Cristina's shoulder. George watched sadly and looked at the ground; Meredith's crying echoing through the room.

* * *

"Hey." Addison smiled. Derek looked up at her and smiled.

"Hey Addy."

"Do you want to go to the ferry boats tonight?" Addison smiled.

"I don't want to be near the ferry boats at the moment." Derek said quietly, thinking of Meredith. At Addison's look, he sighed. He needed to stop thinking about Meredith, for now.

"Ferry boats it is."

"Good," Addison smiled. "You know, I'm really happy that we're communicating more. And the shower sex was great."

Derek laughed and smiled at his wife. For a moment, he didn't think of Meredith. But when he remembered how she looked at him in the elevator, he wanted to go and talk to her.

"Well, I have a patient to check on." Derek said. "I'll see you later?"

"You will." Addison smiled, kissing him passionately. Then she left. Derek sighed and looked at his wife as she walked away.

Derek turned and walked down the corridor, wandering around, looking in Meredith's patient's room. She wasn't there. He walked over to the elevator and waited for the doors to open. Five interns hurried out, but no Meredith.

Derek walked down the corridor. Maybe he shouldn't talk to Meredith. She was hurting now that he had chosen Addison, and she probably wouldn't talk to him. Derek took a seat and checked his pager. His next surgery was in an hour. Derek leaned back on his seat and watched as nurses hurried past. Then he saw Meredith walk past and it looked like she had been crying.

"Meredith!" Derek got up and hurried over to her.

"No Derek," Meredith said coldly, glaring at him. "You've made your decision. I don't need to talk to you."

Meredith turned and walked away. Derek sighed and ran his hand through his hair, looking at Meredith as she walked toward the elevator. Derek wanted to see her. He walked after her, wanting to comfort her. But she took the stairs when she noticed he was walking after her.

Derek sighed and leaned against the wall, picturing Meredith's face, how she had reacted when he had told her that he had chosen Addison. He felt horrible.

Suddenly his pager beeped. Derek grabbed it and stared in shock at what it read. Addison had fallen. She was on a gurney and getting wheeled to room five eighty eight.

Derek ran down the corridor, forgetting about Meredith's problems.

* * *

George looked down as Addison fell down the stairs, hitting the bottom and wincing in pain. Some nearby nurses ran over to help her and one brown haired intern got out her pager. For a moment, George considered going down to help Addison, but couldn't stop the small smile on his face.


	10. Broken

**10. Broken**

"Addison!"

Derek ran into the room to see his wife lying on a hospital bed. She blinked and looked up at him, her forehead showing a dark purple bruise, and her broken leg had been wrapped in thick white bandages.

"What happened?" Derek demanded, glancing at the nurses.

"She fell down the stairs." Meredith said, who had been standing behind him. Derek spun around to glare at her.

"Did you push her?" Derek snapped.

"No." Meredith answered, shocked at how Derek would accuse her of doing something like that.

"I saw you take the stairs!" Derek shouted, stepping closer to her. "You would have pushed her because you wanted her out of the way!"

"No!" Meredith shouted. "I wouldn't do that!"

"Well who pushed her?" Derek shouted, looking around the room. "No one else would have a reason for pushing my _wife_ down the _stairs_!"

"How do you know she was pushed?" Meredith asked.

"_Pushed_?" Derek cried angrily. "She broke her leg _and_ a rib! She _had_ to have been pushed!"

"Then why do you blame me?" Meredith asked, not wanting to believe that this conversation was happening.

"Because you are the only one who would want her hurt!" Derek shouted.

Meredith stared at him in anguish and stepped away from him, breathing in sharply and looking at him in a blank, hurt look. At Meredith's look, Derek softened and held his hand out to touch her arm, realizing what he had done.

"Meredith…"

Meredith turned and hurried out of the room.

"Meredith!" Derek ran after her. He felt so angry at himself for yelling at her. He could still see Meredith's expression when he had gotten angry, the way she had looked at him. Meredith ran into the elevator, tears forming around her eyes.

"Meredith!" Derek ran over to the elevator and hurried inside as the doors closed.

"Get away from me." Meredith said bitterly.

"Meredith, I'm so sorry." Derek said quietly, looking at her desolately. Meredith looked ahead, staring at the floor numbers as they lit up with a _ding_.

"Meredith." Derek reached up and lightly touched her arm. Meredith glared at him and pulled away.

"Why would you blame _me_?" Meredith snapped. "Blame me for pushing Addison down the stairs?"

"I didn't mean to," Derek apologized. "I'm sorry Meredith. I was angry and confused, I overreacted."

"Because you care so much about Addison," Meredith said bitterly, her voice rising. "You chose her over me. You chose _her_ over _me_!"

"I would have chosen you," Derek said quietly. "But I have a wife and-"

"A commitment." Meredith interrupted.

"Meredith." Derek sighed. Meredith watched the floor numbers light up and then the doors slid open. Derek stood and watched as she walked out, not even looking back at him.

Derek sighed and waited for the doors to close. He pushed the button for the floor Addy was on and waited, leaning against the wall. He didn't want to think of the pain he had caused Meredith. Now she wouldn't even look at him. He had just made it worse for her.

Derek waited for the doors to open and hurried back to Addison's room. He took a seat and held her hand, thinking of everything that had happened. Meredith wouldn't have pushed Addison down the stairs, he was angry at himself for thinking that.

"Derek?"

Addison's eyes opened and she looked over at Derek.

"Addy." Derek smiled warmly, squeezing her hand. Addison smiled, the pain of her broken rib and leg making her wince.

"What happened?" Derek demanded.

"I fell," Addison said quietly. "My foot twisted or something. I fell."

"You weren't pushed?" Derek confirmed.

"No," Addison replied, frowning at the idea of being pushed. "And you thought Meredith pushed me, didn't you?"

"I did," Derek admitted, wincing at the conversation that had taken place earlier. "That was something I regret. I didn't want to hurt Meredith; it's just that I overreacted."

Addison looked at her husband sympathetically.

"So your leg collapsed." Derek stood up and checked her leg that wasn't broken.

"I wouldn't say it collapsed." Addison said. At Derek's look, she frowned.

"What? Is it a tumour? Swollen veins? Sprained ankle?"

"Your heel broke." Derek answered, smiling slightly.

"My heel?" Addison raised an eyebrow.

"On your shoe." Derek slid off her high heel and showed her that the heel had broken, which would have caused her to stumble and fall down the stairs.

Addison laughed and lay down in relief. And she had been worried that it had been something serious. Derek felt annoyed, for getting angry at Meredith and thinking she had pushed her.

"You'll be fine," Derek smiled. "I scheduled an X-ray and scan, you just need to cope with a limp for a few days."

"Do I need crutches?" Addison asked, concerned about that idea.

"No, it's just a slight fracture." Derek commented.

"Good." Addison smiled, slightly pleased that she wouldn't need crutches.

The two of them smiled at each other. Derek began to think that he _did_ need Addison. If he just worked on their relationship more, then it would work. But his thoughts were still on Meredith, he wanted to talk to her, to apologise properly.

"I'll be back soon," Derek smiled. "With mocha latte for us."

"That's Bailey's favourite," Addison smiled wryly. "Latte for me."

"A latte then." Derek smiled.

"I love you." Addison smiled. Derek smiled and stepped closer to her, kissing her.

"I love you too." Derek couldn't stop smiling. He turned and left the room to see Bailey walking over.

"Dr Shepherd!" Bailey snapped, walking up to him. Her voice softened. "How is she?"

"A fracture on her leg and a broken rib, but she'll manage." Derek replied.

"Falling down the stairs," Bailey sighed and shook her head. "It's a bad day for all of us, especially for those car accident patients. You need to let Addison recover and get back to your job."

"I will." Derek said dismally, thinking of Meredith, her expression when he had yelled at her.

"Good." Bailey nodded at him, and then walked away.

* * *

"He yelled at me." Meredith mumbled quietly.

"He was angry. He overreacted." George said reassuringly, looking over at Meredith who lay on the hospital bed, staring at the wall.

"I'm having a bad day." Meredith muttered.

"I have those," George added. "And Shepherd _will_ apologize to you. He's like that."

"I don't think I can ever get over Derek." Meredith said quietly. She sighed and sat up, looking at George.

"You will," George said. "In time."

"And it will take a long time." Meredith smiled sadly.

George looked at her. She really was struggling with her feelings for Shepherd.

"I have a patient to check on." Meredith said quietly.

"Okay." George nodded.

Meredith walked off and George watched her leave.

He felt slightly guilty at having watched Addison fall down the stairs and not do anything about it, just because he was jealous of Meredith and Shepherd. He hoped Addison was recovering. Maybe he would check on her, then he wouldn't have that guilty feeling he had now, the feeling that he had _smiled_ while watching Addison fall down the stairs.

All because he wanted Meredith to end up with him. It was getting obvious Meredith wasn't developing feelings for George, and she was trying to get over Shepherd. He felt like checking on Dr Montgomery Shepherd, but his guilt held him back.


	11. Distress

**11. Distress**

"Meredith?" Derek glanced up to see Meredith walk over.

"Dr Shepherd." Meredith said.

"So you've forgiven me?" Derek smiled hopefully.

"No." Meredith said. "I'm just going to be nice to you and act like the fact that you blamed me for hurting Addison didn't happen. I'm an intern. You're my boss. And we aren't in a relationship anymore."

"Okay." Derek nodded. He was pleased that she was talking to him. "So – Dr Grey. How is your patient? The car accident patient?"

"Anita." Meredith said. "And she's fine. Cristina removed the glass from around her eyes. She just needs an X-ray. Which I need to schedule."

"Okay." Derek smiled. Meredith looked at him as he smiled with those crinkles, and those dreamy eyes. That name McDreamy really did suit him. And now he was _looking_ at her.

"So how's Addison?" Meredith asked, changing the subject and looking away from him.

"She's fine. For the moment." Derek answered, recalling what had happened earlier. "Meredith, I'm so sorry."

He reached out to touch her arm in comfort but Meredith flinched and pulled away.

"We are _not_ doing this." Meredith snapped. "It's over with us."

"Her shoe broke." Derek said. "The heel on her shoe snapped. That made her fall. She wasn't pushed."

"I know." Meredith looked at him. "I didn't push her. And you yelled at me for something you didn't even know was true."

"I am sorry Meredith." Derek reached out and touched her arm. This time she didn't flinch away. She looked so tired and fragile. Derek stepped closer to her and reached out and touched the side of her face, smiling at her. He tentatively ran his hand down her cheek and smiled. Meredith was drawn to his smile, and those dreamy blue eyes.

Derek leaned forward to kiss her but she broke out of it and pulled away.

"I told you Derek." Meredith said quietly. "We aren't doing this."

Derek sighed and watched as Meredith walked away. He checked his pager which was blank and walked back to see Addy. It was only after his thoughts about Meredith stopped that he remembered about the latte.

* * *

Meredith stepped into the room and looked down at Anita's motionless form. She was badly bruised and there were fresh scars around her eyes from where her glasses had smashed and the glass had been removed. She was still in a coma. Meredith sat down, flicking through her chart and writing down more details about her.

Anita's parents couldn't be contacted. Her mum and step dad had left on their honeymoon. And her dad had no contact details, almost as if he didn't want to be contacted. Or didn't care.

Meredith sat and watched her patient as the minutes passed by. She had no other patients to help, nothing else to do. Except wait for Derek to arrive. Meredith shook that thought away. Derek was with Addison. _I need to get over him. Besides, he did yell at me._

"Meredith?"

Meredith looked up to see Cristina walk in.

"Cristina."

"How are you doing?" Cristina took a seat opposite her.

"Oh, I'm fine." Meredith said derisively. "Derek yelled at me, blaming _me_ for pushing Addison down the stairs!"

"Addison was pushed down the stairs?" Cristina raised an eyebrow.

"Her shoe snapped." Meredith answered. "And that was hours ago. You didn't know?"

"I'm always the last to know." Cristina snapped. Her pager beeped. "Oh, um, I have to go and see Dr Burke."

"Okay." Meredith smiled, watching Cristina get up and hurry to the door.

"See ya." Meredith called, leaning back in her seat and looking down at Anita's chart.

* * *

"One latte has arrived." Derek stood at the door, smiling down at his wife. Addison beamed at him, her face darkened by her bruise. Derek walked over to her and handed her a steaming Styrofoam cup of latte.

Addison gratefully took it and sipped the steaming drink, wincing at its taste.

"I guess I have to spend the night here." Addison grumbled, rubbing her forehead.

"Actually, you don't." Derek smiled, taking Addison's hand and holding it. "You can come back to the trailer tonight."

"I can?" Addison smiled, looking at Derek intently.

"Yes, but no sex for three weeks." Derek smiled.

"What?" Addison laughed. "Well, that's disappointing."

They laughed and Derek smiled at his wife. He had been married to her for twelve years. Twelve years, and yet he still discovered things he loved about her. She was different to Meredith. And there it was again. His thoughts seemed to always drift to Meredith.

"Derek?"

Derek looked up to see that Addison was looking at him.

"Drink up that latte, and I'll take you home." Derek smiled.

"Thank you." Addison smiled. Derek squeezed her hand, then leaned over and kissed her.

"I'll see you soon." Derek told her. Addison nodded and smiled. Derek let go of her hand and walked out of the room, glancing over at the elevator.

He walked over to the elevator and waited for the doors to open. When the doors slid open, a few nurses hurried out and Derek stepped in. There was an intern in the elevator who greeted him as the doors slid shut.

"Dr Shepherd."

"Hello." Derek smiled.

The elevator moved up and stopped at a floor. The doors opened and Meredith stood there. Derek smiled, knowing that she would be taking the elevator.

Meredith hesitated, looking at Derek in doubt. The other intern sighed and left the elevator. Meredith looked like she was going to leave, but she stepped into the elevator and stood next to Derek as the doors slid closed.

"Meredith." Derek smiled warmly.

"Derek." Meredith glanced at him.

"I'm sorry about before."

"You don't need to keep apologizing to me." Meredith snapped.

"I know." Derek sighed. "I don't need to. It's just that I'm worried about you."

"Why would you be worried about me?" Meredith glanced at him. "We're just friends. And as friends you would have no reason to be worried about me, because as friends, you wouldn't accuse me of pushing Addison. Friends have trust, and friends don't blame friends for pushing friends down the stairs. So we aren't friends."

"We could still at least talk to each other." Derek said.

"We're talking now."

"Meredith-"

Meredith looked at him. He was looking at her. _Looking_ at her, the way he used to when they were together. Before Addison had arrived, when they were happy.

"Stop looking at me." Meredith said.

Derek looked away and sighed, thinking of Addison. He wanted their marriage to work, but every time he was near Meredith, he was different. He felt different.

Derek looked back at Meredith. He wanted to kiss her, to hold her close. And what if he did? Then he would feel guilty around Addison, and he didn't want that.

"Derek?"

Derek looked up to see Meredith standing in front of him. Did she feel the same? Did she want to kiss him right now?

Meredith looked at him, and then the doors slid open. Derek watched her walk out of the elevator and leaned against the wall. He still had feelings for Meredith, and she felt the same way. He knew she did.

He was finding it harder to prevent his thoughts from focusing on her. He saw her everyday, and he always thought about her. Derek sighed and pushed the button on the elevator. He desperately wanted to talk with Meredith, to hold her. But he knew he couldn't. He wouldn't. He was going to make his marriage with Addy work.

"Addy." Derek smiled. "How was the latte?"

Addison was sitting up and had dressed in a red top and black pants with a plaster cast on her leg. She was smiling at him, her face a dark purple colour, and her red hair looked like it hadn't been brushed.

"The usual." Addison smiled. "So can we head back to the trailer now?"

"We can." Derek replied. He walked over to her and put his arms around her waist, helping her up. Then they walked out of the room, Addison limping slightly. Derek had changed earlier and now that it was getting darker, he wanted to take Addison home. He wanted to help her recover, and if he needed to, he would cook.

And he hoped he wouldn't keep thinking of Meredith.


	12. Hectic

**The anon. reviewer obviously takes fanfics far too seriously...get a life please, it's just a story. **

**Here's the next chapter!**

* * *

**12. Hectic**

"Hey."

Derek opened his eyes and saw Addison smiling at him. She shifted around under the covers and moved closer to him, leaning on his chest and laying her head on his chest. Derek put his arm around her and fingered her hair.

"Hey." Derek said tiredly, still half asleep. Addison closed her eyes and breathed in slowly. Derek laid his head against hers and listened to her steady breathing. He was satisfied that he was spending more time with Addison, and he wouldn't need to worry about Meredith for a few more hours.

Meredith. He was thinking of her again.

"Derek?"

Addison looked up at him and frowned. Derek blinked and fought off his thoughts that had begun to focus on Meredith. He was with Addison now, and he didn't want to ruin that.

"So, what are you going to do today?" Addison asked. She breathed in and winced at the pain from her broken rib. She wasn't going to work today, as she needed to recover from her injuries.

"I have a patient to look after." Derek smiled. "The car accident patients. We are still waiting for the CT results for Anita."

"She's the one in a coma." Addison nodded. "I hope she pulls through."

"She will." Derek said quietly. He checked the time.

"I have to get going. I don't want to be late!"

"Okay." Addison smiled. Derek climbed out of bed and quickly changed, pulling on his sweater before leaning over and kissing Addison.

"See you soon." Derek smiled.

"And I'll be here." Addison smiled, watching Derek leave the room, then sighing and looking up at the roof. She didn't know if she would be alright staying in the trailer for the day.

* * *

"Mer?"

Meredith blinked and looked up, seeing George smiling at her. He was already dressed in his scrubs. Meredith quickly pulled hers on and fixed up her hair.

"I have to see Anita." Meredith answered.  
"Okay." George said quietly, watching Meredith leave the room. Did she not want to be near him? She always left when he was around. George heard his pager beeped and quickly grabbed it, checking it as he hurried out of the room.

He hurried down to the call room where a new patient had been wheeled in and the monitor was beeping madly.

"Hurry O'Malley!" Bailey snapped. "You are the only available intern at this moment! Get this patient stable!"

George hurried over to the bruised form of a young woman with curly blonde hair as she struggled to breathe, shaking in fear.

"What happened to her?" George asked.

"Give her a dose of telacen!" Bailey snapped. "Hurry and move O'Malley!"

George quickly hurried over to the girl and administered the telacen. The girl's breathing slowed and the monitor's beeping slowed.

"BP's steady." a nurse commented.

"Heart rate normal." another nurse announced.

"She's fine. For the moment." Bailey said.

"What happened to her?" George asked.

"Almost beaten to death." Bailey replied. "Found by her friend."

George looked at the patient in sympathy.

"She's your patient now O'Malley."

Bailey walked out, and soon after, the nurses followed. George went and collected a blank chart and began to fill it in with the details he knew of the young woman.

Suddenly she opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"I'm Doctor O'Malley. And you're at Seattle Grace." George answered.

"It hurts." The girl rubbed her bruised head.

"You were beaten." George walked over to her and put his hand on her arm in comfort. "What's your name?"

"Christie. Christie Summers." The girl replied. "Will I be in hospital long?"

"No, once we give you some tests, I'm sure you will be able to leave." George smiled.

"Okay." Christie smiled, studying him. "You really do have beautiful eyelashes."

George laughed, recalling the patient, Mac, who had said the same thing.

"Uh, thanks."

George checked her stats and wrote in her chart.

"Aaaa." Christie coughed. George looked up at her and saw blood spray from her mouth. She hacked and spluttered, coughing out a fair amount of blood. George hurried over to her and wiped her mouth, mopping up the blood.

"My chest hurts." Christie said quietly.

"I think I'll schedule you a CT scan." George said.

"What will that do?" Christie asked, looking down at the blood she had coughed out.

"Hopefully it will say if you have any serious injuries." George answered, writing in the chart again.

"Of course I would." Christie laughed. "I got beaten, almost _beaten _to death."

"I'm sorry." George said quietly.

"And do you know who beat me?" Christie asked. "My uncle. He got angry. And he beat me."

George stared at her in surprise. Her relative had beaten her?

"Do you have his contact details?" George asked. "He will need to be reported if he did that to you."

"Of course he would." Christie sighed, closing her eyes. "It hurts. I need to sleep."

"Okay." George got up and left the room. For a moment, his thoughts dwelled on Christie.

* * *

"Meredith."

Meredith looked up to see Derek standing in front of her, having stepped into the room when she was checking on Anita. There were still no signs of brain activity, no sign that she would wake up.

"How is she?" Derek asked.

"She still has no signs of waking up." Meredith said quietly.

"Just give her time." Derek smiled.

"Hello?"

The two of them looked up to see the patient Marie standing in the doorway.

"You should be back in your room!" Meredith walked over to her.

"No, no, I was discharged." Marie said. "I'm fine. I'm a survivor of a car accident, and I'm fine. How's Taffo?"

"Taffo?" Derek frowned.

"It's her nickname." Marie motioned to Anita. "How is she?"

"She's still showing no signs of waking up." Meredith told her. Marie nodded sadly, looking at her friend.

"There is still a chance that she will wake up." Derek said. "But if she shows no signs of brain activity in the next 11 hours, we will need to declare her brain dead."

"Oh." Marie turned and left the room.

"I'll talk to her." Derek looked at Meredith. Meredith looked over at Anita. Derek left the room. Meredith watched him leave, feeling like used scrap. Used by Derek and thrown away.

But what did she expect? He had never been honest to her.

* * *

Addison heard a bang on the door. She weakly stumbled out of bed, holding her aching rib and walked over to the door.

She pulled it open to see a familiar face smiling at her, one that she never expected to see again.

"Hi Addison."


	13. Doubt

**13. Doubt**

Addison looked at the man standing before her.

"I've come back for you Addy." Mark smiled, stepping forward to touch her arm. Addison stepped away, regarding him with an unwelcome look.

"Come back for me?" Addison raised an eyebrow. "I'm fine where I am. I'm with Derek."

"But he's in love with Meredith." Mark stepped into the trailer.

"No, he isn't." Addison glared at him. "We are rebuilding our marriage, and Derek loves me."

"How can you be so sure?" Mark asked, smiling slightly. "Right now, he's in the hospital. With Meredith. How do you know that they won't be resuming their relationship?"

"Derek wouldn't do that." Addison snapped.

"But he's done it before." Mark said. "How do you know he wasn't lying when he told you that he wasn't with Meredith?"

"Because he wouldn't do that." Addison answered, getting angry at how Mark had just stepped into the trailer and accused Derek of having an affair with Meredith.

"Get out Mark!"

"He could be with her right now." Mark said. "In the elevator, because that's their place."

"Shut up!" Addison snapped. "Get out!"

"Or what?" Mark smirked. "You have a broken rib and leg. You can't force me to leave."

"Stay away from us Mark." Addison glared at him. "Derek and I are happy now."

"Remember what I said." Mark smiled. He was smiling, and that infuriated Addison.

"Stay away." Addison warned.

"I think you should go back to the hospital." Mark called as he walked away. "You don't know what Derek and his intern are doing!"

Addison slammed the door and leaned against it, falling to the ground. She sat against the door, her hand on her forehead. She couldn't believe that Mark had returned, and how he had begun accusing Derek of being with Meredith.

Addison looked up at the phone on the table. She wanted to call Derek, wanted to see what he really was doing. Addison sighed and looking up at the roof. She couldn't believe that after everything Mark had said, she was now getting suspicious about Derek.

* * *

"She's awake!"

Meredith hurried into the room and looked over at Anita, who had opened her eyes. Derek smiled at her.

"My head hurts." Anita smiled.

Marie ran into the room and smiled at her friend.

"You're awake!" Marie smiled happily.

"We survived." Anita smiled. "We survived."

"Yeah!" Marie smiled.

Meredith and Derek looked at each other. Meredith looked over at Anita and then noticed that Derek was looking at her. In that way.

Meredith couldn't stand him looking at her like that. She turned and left the room.

"Meredith!"

Meredith walked over to the stairs, wanting to get away, away from Derek.

"Meredith!"

Meredith sighed and turned to face Derek.

"What?"

"How are you doing?" Derek asked.

"How am I doing?" Meredith cried. "Well, what can I say to that, Derek? I'm not doing fine. I'm left in this _pit_ of despair and pain, because of you!"

"Meredith." Derek sighed.

"And you keep looking at me." Meredith continued. "And I'm trying to move on, to get over you, because I need to."

"It will take time." Derek said softly.

"And you being around and looking at me doesn't help." Meredith snapped. "I'm tired of doing this, avoiding you when I still love you. Do you even really love Addison?"

Derek paused. He hadn't expected Meredith to question him about his relationship with Addison.

"She's my wife." Derek said quietly. "I married her because I loved her."

"But do you still love her?" Meredith asked.

"I made a commitment." Derek said quietly, looking at her before turning and walking away.

Meredith stared after him, feeling like she had been broken, broken and thrown away. The world seemed to slow, she felt so numb, standing there, staring at Derek as he walked away from her.

She hadn't believed that Derek really meant it; she hadn't believed that he really wanted to be with Addison. She had denied it. And now the truth hurt. She couldn't deny it now. She couldn't deny that Derek really did want to be with Addison.

Meredith stared at the floor, leaning against the wall. She didn't want to be near Derek, she didn't want to look at him. It was too painful, too painful. She felt detached from the world, leaning against the wall, hearing Derek's voice.

"_I love you Meredith._"

He had said that, when they were together. Had he meant it? Did he still want to be with her? Or did he love Addison more?

Meredith stood up and walked down the corridor, feeling more alone than she ever had been.

* * *

"Hi Dr O'Malley."

George smiled at Christie as he walked in.

"How did you go with the CT scan?" George asked her.

"I'm fine." Christie smiled. "Well, I am now."

George smiled.

"Your results show that you have internal bleeding." George flicked through her chart. "And a stomach ulcer. That would explain you coughing up blood."

"Am I fine though?" Christie asked.

"For the moment." George answered. "You will need to stay for a few more days to slow the internal bleeding."

"Okay." Christie smiled sweetly. "I don't mind staying for longer."

George smiled and looked at the ground, feeling a bit uncomfortable.

"Well, I need to schedule another CT scan for you, to check that your internal bleeding is under control." George said.

"Oh, okay." Christie looked at the ground, tears forming in her eyes.

"Are you okay?" George asked her.

"No." Christie started to cry. "I trusted my uncle, and he just got so angry. He just attacked me and I couldn't believe that my own uncle would punch me. And he did, just because I didn't feed the guinea pigs."

"That wasn't a good enough reason for him to hurt you." George said quietly. "You should give me his contact details. He needs to pay for what he did."

"But I don't want to!" Christie sobbed. "He's my uncle! I don't want him to go to jail!"

George put his hand on her shoulder as she cried. After a few minutes, George felt that he had to leave. He couldn't stay with Christie all day; he had another patient to look after.

George eased his hand off Christie's shoulder as she clung onto it tightly.

"When you are ready, just tell me your uncle's phone number." George said. "He will need to go to court over this."

"But I don't want him to go to court!" Christie sobbed. "He's family!"

George looked at her sadly. It was obvious that Christie was still emotionally attached to her uncle, even though he had almost beaten her to death. She would need some psychological treatment.

"I have another patient to look after." George said quietly. "But if you need me at all, you can page me."

"I will." Christie nodded, wiping her eyes.

George turned and left the room to see Meredith sitting on a seat, staring blankly ahead.

"Meredith?" George walked over to her and took a seat beside her.

"The reality of Derek choosing Addison has finally hit me." Meredith said quietly. "I just denied it. I guess that's my reaction to this kind of thing. Denying. And now I know I can't deny anymore. Derek doesn't want to be with me."

George didn't know what to say, but took her hand and held it in reassurance. Meredith smiled warmly at George. He smiled back. Was she beginning to get feelings for him in a way? Was she beginning to see George differently, other from being a roommate?

"Well, thanks for sitting here with me." Meredith smiled. "I have a patient to see."

"Um, okay. Good luck," George said quietly, watching Meredith leave. And for a moment, he began to feel some hope that she was beginning to notice him.


	14. Can You Consider

**A/N: I'm deleting 'negative' reviews from the same reviewer because of the fact that they're disturbingly abusive...some one clearly has issues. If you are going to leave something negative, make it mature criticism.  
**

**14. Can You Consider**

"Derek!" Addison smiled happily as the door to the trailer opened. Derek stepped in, looking tired and worried.

"Derek?" Addison walked over to her husband, recalling what Mark had said earlier. She didn't want to believe it, but he was acting oddly.

"Hi Addy." Derek smiled.

"How was your day?" Addison asked as he sat down.

"The usual." Derek said quietly.

"Did you see Meredith?"

Derek looked up at her in surprise, having not expected Addison to ask that.

"She's avoiding me." Derek told her. "She won't talk to me."

"Okay." Addison smiled. She felt better knowing that Derek really wasn't with Meredith. Mark was wrong; he was just trying to get her to leave Derek, to fall for his lies and possibly to fall into bed with him again. Addison hoped he had left Seattle by now. And it was unnerving that he knew where Derek's trailer was, and just how he had acted. Almost as if he knew Derek would never truly love her.

Addison shook away the thoughts, not wanting to keep thinking about that.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked her.

"I'm recovering." Addison said quietly.

"What happened?" Derek asked her. Addison looked at him, staring at his concerned, intense blue eyes. He knew that something was wrong. Of course he would. They were married for twelve years, he would know. But he wouldn't know about Mark. She wasn't sure if she would tell him or not.

"Mark came here." Addison admitted, looking away from Derek.

"He came here?" Derek looked at her attentively. "When I was away?"

"Yes." Addison said quietly.

"What did he say?" Derek asked.

"He accused you of having an affair with Meredith." Addison said. She was looking down, and didn't see the guilty look on Derek's face.

"But you wouldn't do that, would you?" Addison looked up at Derek and smiled tiredly, her face a light purple colour. Derek was pleased that she was starting to heal, but felt guilty at how Mark had been right. He had stopped being with Meredith, but only a few days ago had he been with her. And Addison hadn't known.

"No. No, I wouldn't." Derek took Addison's hand and smiled at her intensely. She smiled back.

"It's a pity we can't have sex for another few weeks." Addison smiled wryly.

"It is." Derek smiled, but it seemed forced.

"I need to get some sleep." Addison stood up and walked over to the bed. "I need to go back to work tomorrow. I can't stay here all day. I was bored. Seriously bored."

Derek looked at his wife compassionately. He was pleased that she had returned to Seattle, it was good to be in her company. But could he continue on like this? The way he felt for Meredith was more intense than his feelings for Addison.

He watched as she slid under the covers, wincing slightly. Derek wanted to comfort her, to kiss her forehead and hold her close. He wanted their relationship to be the way it was before she cheated, before Meredith.

But he was clinging to the past, to the feelings that had long gone. And when he finally made it to bed, he lay awake, unable to rest.

* * *

George smiled at Christie as she was being wheeled into surgery for her stomach ulcer, which had developed into a tumour. Her internal bleeding had gone out of control and it needed to be taken care of.

"I will survive this, won't I?" Christie asked. Dr Burke gave George a look as they wheeled her into the OR. George strapped an oxygen mask over Christie's mouth as they stopped in the OR.

"Scrub in O'Malley." Burke ordered. George hurried out of the OR and scrubbed his hands clean, getting another intern to help tie him up. Then George pulled on some gloves and hurried into the surgery.

"Clamp." Bailey held out her hand and George passed her the clamp, watching as Bailey held the deep cut in the skin open, blood forming a small pool in it. George glanced up at the monitor. Christie was doing okay so far.

"Scalpel."

George passed Bailey the scalpel. She focused hard, cutting an incision in the stomach. The thin, slimy lining split open and a thin dribble of bile spilled out. An intern wiped it up as Bailey searched for the tumour.

The monitor started beeping.

"She's losing a lot of blood." A nurse warned.

Bailey cursed quietly before pausing.

"I've got it." Bailey made an incision through the stomach. More blood streamed out and George could hardly make out where Bailey was cutting, with all the interns stopping the intense flow of blood.

"It's out." Bailey announced, removing the scalpel and grabbing another tool, pulling out the golf ball sized mass of blood and pus. The tumour was out. Bailey threw it onto a silver tray.

"Per strings. Now." Bailey snapped. George grabbed the per strings and handed them to her, watching as she began suturing the incision in the stomach lining. The monitor started beeping madly.

"BP increasing."

Bailey cursed again, cutting off the per string and hurrying to get the wound sutured before Christie bled out.

Bailey grabbed some more per string and George watched as she began suturing the incision into the stomach.

"O'Malley, help me with this." Bailey snapped. George smiled and hurried over to Bailey, helping her to suture the incision. He could feel the warm blood flowing around his gloves as he quickly moved the per string through the skin, closing up the wound.

"She's done." George smiled, looking in triumph at the closed wound. An intern began cleaning up the blood as the monitor's beeping decreased.

"BP's steady."

"She's made it." Bailey announced. She began pulling off her mask.

"Dr Bailey, what – what about the internal bleeding?" George asked quickly.

Bailey looked up at him.

"We just removed a stomach tumour." Bailey said flatly. "If you have noticed, the internal bleeding-"

George glanced over at Christie as the monitor started beeping.


	15. The End

**A/N: Thanks to all of you who have reviewed and read this story, especially cilesuns! Fanofthefab4 & swimbikeedit: can't you do a proper negative review without personal attacks? Silly kids.  
**

**We're at the final chapter now.  
**

* * *

**The End**

"Get her stable!" Bailey snapped.

"Her heart rate is falling!" an intern snapped.

"Get the code team in!" Bailey ordered.

George glanced around, seeing the monitor flash and beep, seeing the paddles be placed on Christie, seeing her body jerk as they attempted to revive her heart.

"Flatline!" someone shouted. "We're losing her!"

"Come on Christie!" George glanced up as the code team charged the paddles again, shocking Christie again. George glanced up at the monitor as it showed a flat line.

The beeping stopped. George stared in shock, unaware that his mouth was hanging slightly open.

Christie was dead. Of course, patients did die, but George couldn't believe that she had died this soon, so quick, so sudden.

"Time of death." Bailey said quietly. "O'Malley!"

George glanced over at her, hardly believing that Christie had just died. Yet she had.

* * *

"Derek."

Derek glanced up as he pulled on his lab coat, seeing Meredith's tired looking face. He was surprised that she was even talking to him.

"So you are talking to me." Derek smiled.

"Yes." Meredith said quietly. "But we are just friends. Just friends, Derek."

Derek looked at her and nodded slightly. That was what he wanted to try and believe, but he found it hard to be near her, hard to believe that they were no longer going to be together, their last kiss…..was the last kiss. It really was over between them now. The pain he felt was unbearable.

"How is she?"

"She's, well, she's doing fine." Derek answered.

"That's good." Meredith nodded. She gave Derek a small smile before walking away, not willing to focus on the pain of their former relationship. Derek watched her leave. He knew now that his relationship with Meredith was over. They were just friends.

But that hurt. Every time he looked at Meredith, he kept recalling everything they had done, the elevator, the smiles, the looks. Now that had to end, he wasn't going to be with the one he thought he loved. He was going to be devoted to Addison; he was going to keep their marriage going and he was going to love his wife.

He had to do the right thing. They'd been together for over a decade, and he didn't want her out of his life again. Maybe, in time, his feelings for Addison would return and they could go back to trusting each other and sharing the passion they once had.

But he couldn't help but feel that in his heart, he had already moved on. The way he fell for Meredith had felt like falling deeply in love again.

Derek walked down the corridor and almost collided with Addison.

"Derek?"

Addison gave Derek a concerned look.

"Are you okay?" Addison asked.

"I should be asking you that." Derek smiled. "I'm fine. How are you doing?"

"I'm still recovering." Addison smiled. "Did you hear about the tumour patient?"

"Christie?" Derek asked, concerned.

"She died." Addison said quietly.

Derek just looked at her. He couldn't believe that. It wasn't likely that a patient would die from a stomach tumour, and so suddenly. He wondered how George would handle it, he had connected with Christie for a short time.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he managed to say. Addison simply nodded and gently touched his arm. Derek took hold of her hand in a desperate attempt to feel that rush of passion, but there was nothing. Addison looked pleased and gently pulled away.

"It's always a disappointment to lose a patient. See you later." Addison smiled sadly and kissed her husband before walking down the corridor. Derek hesitated before walking off.

* * *

"George?"

Meredith took a seat next to George who was lying on a hospital bed, looking up at the ceiling.

"I let her die."

"No, no you didn't." Meredith insisted. "She died from heart failure. It wasn't your fault."

"And I told her that she would make it." George said quietly. "But now I have to tell her family that she's dead. She'd already been through so much with her uncle. Betrayed by her own family. I wanted her to make it."

Meredith didn't know how to answer. She placed her hand on his arm and smiled. George smiled back; he was relieved Meredith was with him.

It would take a while for him to get over the death of Christie. She was just a patient, yet she had been one that he talked to and had become friends with, even for a short time. She had mattered, and now she was gone.

"What are you doing?" Bailey snapped. George stumbled up and saw that Bailey had walked over to glare at them.

"Get back to work! You don't need to rest!"

Meredith nodded and looked back at George who was walking slowly down the corridor. He wanted to lie down and sleep, knowing that time would be the only thing that would ease the loss of Christie. He could've saved her. She was a nice person, and there were very few nice people in this world.

* * *

"I love you." Addison smiled, gazing into Derek's eyes. He smiled back at her as the two of them lay in bed, stroking each other's hair in content.

Derek was pleased that he and Addison had reconciled, that their relationship was stronger than it had been. He'd pushed his thoughts of Meredith aside and forced himself to focus on Addison. It had been enough for him to sleep with her and not feel so bad at the end.

And he wasn't thinking about Meredith anymore. At least, for the moment.

* * *

"He'll be fine." Izzie said quietly, glancing up at Meredith as they sat at the table. George was in his room, grieving for Christie as he had been for the past few hours.

"He hardly knew her anyway."

"But she was someone he cared about." Meredith interrupted. "He can grieve for her. I would if it was someone I cared about."

After she said that, her thoughts drifted to Derek. McDreamy. The guy she had thought would be in her future, that they would build a solid, loving relationship.

But he had chosen Addison, and he'd done nothing but use her since they first met. He was going to be with Addison. And Meredith still couldn't accept that. She didn't want to believe that it had been a passing fling, that Derek hadn't felt what she knew he felt. Love.

* * *

Derek saw Meredith at the reception desk. For a moment, he considered going over and talking to her. But he knew he couldn't, everything had changed between them. Looking at Meredith, he didn't feel love, but lust. Desire. Maybe that was all that existed between him and Meredith. Looking at Addison he felt something, he could recall many memories they had shared during their marriage, yet it wasn't such a powerful feeling as he had with Meredith. _But it's not love either._

Every time he looked at Meredith, he felt the desire to be with her, to love her. She had come into his life and shown him how it felt to be wanted, to know how it felt to be loved. But that was just a feeling, and he was married to Addison, devoted to her. Addison had only slept with Mark for one night, yet he had been with Meredith for months.

But now, he was back where he was, back with Addison. But even that still wouldn't change his feelings for Meredith - and the fact that she was the one he truly wanted to be with.


End file.
